Catastrophic

A gif I planned on using for my student blog

I called it! I fucking called it! Not only can I not work because I can't find my fucking social security card and birth certificate, (why the fuck does the paperwork have to be so fucking convoluted???), but my grandma was also recently diagnosed with cancer. The you're-not-going-to-fucking-survive-this-shit kind. Am I stressing out??? ...nnnnnnnoo, not really.
Yes, it's disappointing. I was actually looking forward to this job; even if it didn't pay much. I could already hear my dad's bitching, saying, 'I'm not living to my full potential' because I don't have a real job. Which is fine, that's what dads are supposed to say.
My grandma? Well... it's not that the situation doesn't sadden me, it does-- I just don't, or can't, deal with death or sickness in the conventional way. I don't weep and sob, or hug and kiss, or pray, or make long emotional speeches. Its like I'm a robot. Sometimes I think I'm a sociopath. I'm probably just weird. The most I can say is that I'll likely have a delayed reaction the way I did with my Nana and dog. When my Nana died, when I was around 13 years old, I didn't shed a single tear. When my dog went missing, I cared very little. But one day, out of the blue, it hit me. I'm like, Damn, I miss her. I miss going to my Nana's house. I miss contemplating the angelic Roman-Catholic art that decorated the walls. I miss her comfortable cooking. I miss her luxuriant garden. I never got to thank and apologize to her for putting up with me and my brother for running amuck in her house while our mother was at work.
And with my dog, well, I just missed having a stupid dog.
It looks as though I'll have to postpone the idea of having a girlfriend for a while longer. EeeeeehIts not like have a lot of redeeming qualities anyway, but I've been wrong before, surprisingly.

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